This last month I certainly had some cleansing tears. I kept certain thoughts at bay, pushed below the surface until I came to realization. God did not give me Mike in the sense of “he’s mine”. God put us together, to share our lives and he was very precious to me. If he “gave” me Mike, then I could think he “took” him from me also. This would cause bitterness feelings toward God. Mike belonged to God all along. This was not where my cleansing tears came from. It was the night I found him. The paramedics were working on him, and I am praying fervishly praying in the corner of the room. “Please Lord let your will be done, you know Mike and his love for you” I repeated “your will be done”. It was later that I felt like I prayed all wrong! Why didn’t I pray “please save him, Lord”? The last couple of months I have pushed those feelings down when they arose. Matthew 18:19 says “and, whatever you ask for in prayer, you will receive if you have Faith”. Did I think I changed the outcome by how I prayed? Did I think that if I didn’t pray for God’s will be done that, he would have lived? The cleansing tears came all afternoon as I prayed and came to realize what I already knew. Mike belonged to God, not me. God is in control. Luke 12:7 says “indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered..” Psalm 139:16 All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God knows the exact years numbers, days, hours and seconds that I will live on Earth. We, as Christian women can take on burdens that we do not need to bear. God is in control and he knows every minor detail about us. God knows everything about me, and he will steer me back in track when I wander. (Psalm 139:23-24)
The Lord’s prayer says Thy will be done. To pray for the will of God is having Faith, and you cannot pray wrong when it comes to God. He knows me. He knew I would miss Mike. God knew that after Mike was gone, I would delve deeper into the scripture to seek guidance and comfort. The tears come and that’s ok, because I am moving forward. I am working through the grief. Everyday I am so thankful for what I have. Simple pleasures. A sunny day, a cup of coffee, my home and health. Thank the Lord for everything.
I am strong. I am sincere. I have empathy. I am a sinner. I am forgiven. I am loved. I am talkative. I am trustworthy. I am happy. I am heartbroken. I am creative. I love to bake. I am calm. I am Intuitive. I am spontaneous. God loves me… everyway.
God knows everything about Me and You.
Psalms 139:1-4 _____every detail of your day________ Psalm139: 5-8____never lets me out of his sight_________ Psalms 139:9-10___fatherly hand guides me____________ Psalm 139:11-12_who is never limited by my circumstances
I hope my Journey will help you with your journey, whether it be a journey through Grief or understanding another’s. As Christian girlfriends lets have some empathy and lighten up on OURSELVES. We got this!