Mourning or Grief ?

Mourning or Grief ?

   The journey of emotions that you go through when you’ve lost a husband can be a tsunami at times or still waters run deep.  What happens when you meet someone that you have fun with? You’re laughing at his jokes and see the kindness in his eyes.  Is there a timeline for grief? I believe Yes… and No. We all must go through processing the loss. Some people might get stuck and feel as though they can’t move forward. I get it, believe me I do. I prayed to God to please don’t leave me here, why didn’t you take me too? He didn’t take me because my days are numbered also. All the more reason to realize how short and precious our lives are here on Earth. I hope to touch more lives, tell more stories and love again.  I’ve heard that Love is like a well, you might drink from it often, but you only fall in once. Is that true? Personally, I don’t think so. I think you can love someone with all your heart and still have room to love again.  I believe you can have a wonderful loving relationship with someone and a new kind of wonderful with someone new. You do have to go through the grieving process whether it is alone or with someone by your side. Most certainly, it would take someone special.  Some widows find another widower, and sometimes you just find someone with a kind, compassionate soul.  The person you were when you were married, before you became a widow is a different person than you are today. Maybe your faith is stronger, and you know the comfort of God’s compassion in Grief. I wondered who came up with mourning timeline. 

I guess that depends on your religion, beliefs and historical traditions.  Islam believe that widows are to mourn for 4 months and 10 days. That’s pretty precise directions to me.  During this time the widow is not allowed to remarry, move from her home or wear decorative jewelry.  Americans mostly follow the 6 month to the more popular One year. Is it is so you will experience all the year of holidays alone….I’m not sure why?  If you grieve longer and are more distraught than another are you the better person? Do you feel that your love is stronger if you grieve longer? If that’s the case I’d love the child that put me in 27 hours of hard labor more than the Child that came easily.  

    What is the difference between mourning and grief? The definition for Grief is internal and Mourning is external. While they are often used interchangeably, the words grief and mourning contain a subtle but important difference. The term grief refers to our thoughts and feelings on the inside. After the loss of loved one, our initial, private response is grief. We feel bereaved, which means “torn apart.” Mourning is the next step in the process. Mourning is the shared, social response to loss, or “grief gone public.” Mourning takes our internal grief and externalizes it in the form of an action, a symbol, a ceremony, or a ritual that activates social support. It is essential for creating forward movement in a state of grief. Without external mourning, grief turns into “carried grief.” ( Have you heard the words when Grief turns into Mental Illness?

Carried Grief is when we have come to believe that grief is our enemy.  Grief is not our enemy even though I personally thought I was going to have a heart attack from crying & being so broken. Therefore, we need to share the compassion & healing of God’s love with those who are broken from the loss of a loved one. God will repair your heart and give you a newfound joy in him. You became a new person with the loss, but your new identity is stronger in Faith, stronger in Love, understanding, empathy for others and your Christian walk is became more mature.

       2 Corinthians 1:3-4  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Every person has a different perspective and relationship with the loss of their loved one. If God gives you a gift of a new person in your Life do you accept or question? I am not saying become the Runaway bride.  You will know in time with answered prayers if God has put someone in your Life. You can make all the plans you want but if you are living your life for the will of God he will be the one directing your steps.

  Pray to God for the guidance. You will be answered.  As much as wonder Why things happen the way they do, we must realize that God always wants the best. Do you consider if God wants the best is for me, what was he saving me from?

    Have you realized how much the Bible talks about widows? You don’t have to go far to find direct references to widows… 88 of them to be exact. Whether you are reading Moses & the prophets, Psalms and Proverbs, the four Gospels, Romans or the book of Acts and the letters to the churches in the New testament, you won’t read far without the subject coming up. Why? Because God is keeping a careful eye on widows. He is profoundly concerned for her. God commanded the nation of Israel care for the widows, being careful to not isolate them or take advantage of their vulnerability.

Exodus 22:22 __Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. ____________________________________

Deuteronomy 16:11-14 _____________________________  Matthew 23:24 ____________________________________ _________________________________________________ Luke 7: 11-17 _____________________________________  Psalms 68:5 ______________________________________ ________________________________________________

   The journey has been a road of hills, valleys, paved roads and rough patches.  Along with forks in the road it’s a journey that will change your Life. I have more empathy, a softer heart and a stronger faith. I hope your journey in Life will show you the blessings it has shown me.   

Love in Christ,


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